Guest Authored by Jean-Marie Jobs
“You can’t change a person’s performance until you first change their beliefs.”
- Francis Frei, Senior Associate Dean, Harvard Business School
Consider this model of behavior. It starts with our internal conversations, which reveal our unconscious, even in our pre-verbal state, based on our environment and familial relationships. These continue to form and shift throughout our lives. All of our experiences, our culture, our religion, our education, our family background etc. build and fortify our belief systems. Our beliefs generate our emotions or feelings. In addition, our feelings are the fuel for our actions, behavior, and words. All our beliefs create a filter for the way we see reality. We are constantly, and mostly unconsciously, looking at the world around us through a filter designed to validate our existing beliefs about God, others, and ourselves.
Let's look at an example. If I have the belief I can’t trust my team, what will be the effect? Well, for one thing, I will be suspicious and guarded around them. I will naturally be looking for proof that I am right. I will seek evidence to support my assumptions. Perhaps I will find myself being nervous, suspicious, self-protective, or defensive when we are together. I may double check their work or resist delegation. Maybe I allow cynicism to color my speech and my listening during our meetings. In doing so, I create a certain type of environment or culture. I shut off anything that is not what I want to see. This is called observer bias in psychology. We have a bias towards something and we focus on validating our bias and ignore other data which is also present. Sometimes we even see things that are not really there—simply because we are looking so hard.
Have you ever been around someone who was suspicious of you? Had someone watch your every move or continually question your motives? How would you describe that experience? After a short time, it is natural to withdraw and protect yourself in response. You may think, "it’s not safe to share honestly," "I’m already defeated before I begin," or "I better have everything right before I present my idea," -- even "I need to fix this mistake quickly before they find out." All kinds of internal conversations and emotions are generated which in turn create an almost self-fulfilling prophecy.
As a leader, if I have this belief, what type of people will I naturally hire? The ones who cannot be trusted. Why? My radar is automatically tuned to them! Even if I manage to hire someone who is trustworthy, the culture will often wear him or her down over time. So that three months or six months from now, when a team member lies, withholds information, or covers up a mistake, I can say, “See I was right! I can’t trust them!” And why? So I can get rid of that one and go find another one I cannot trust? Because, at the end of the day, I would rather be right about my belief than trust and risk disappointment or allow someone else to do the important work in my organization.
Our beliefs are so strong, we would rather be right than have our relationships work out, or be fulfilled in our families, careers, or to live healthy lives. Yes, the reality is we would rather be right than be fulfilled. It is a hard truth to consider. Notice if you are already rejecting it before you consider where or when it may be true. Leaders are willing to constantly interrogate reality to mine for possibility.
Because at the end of the day, is it really worth it to be RIGHT instead of achieving your ultimate goals?
This is just a taste of the topics covered in Jean-Marie Jobs's book, The Art of Feeding Heroes: Leading from the Inside Out. Engage the adventure of leading and 'feeding' the heroic in yourself as well as those around you! Utilizing current neuroscience, practical tools and ancient wisdom, this book is designed to provide insight into personal and organizational blind spots as well as illuminate new possibilities for leading from the inside out. Click on the link below to get your own copy of The Art of Feeding Heroes, or purchase the Kindle version on Amazon.
About Jean-Marie Jobs
Starting her training career in 1998, Jean-Marie is a master trainer, having delivered over 10,000 hours of in-person training time. Her experience ranges from the non-profit section corporate markets in the US to inter-cultural work in Canada, Holland, Africa and the Middle East. Jean founded GAP Community, Inc. (a nonprofit corporation) and Yellow Marker, Inc. (consulting and training) with the vision of bringing character and values to the foreground both personally and professionally. She develops and co-authors training materials and resources for her corporate clients as well as several non-profit and humanitarian organizations. Her specialties include leadership development, culture change and communication/team building.
Jean is dedicated to: